Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Pondering What If

It's funny how much he makes me smile and I've never even seen his face
He strokes my ego in ways that no man ever has
Causing my bad days to instantly turn good with the most simplistic of phrases
Like hello, I like you & sweet dreams
So I dream sweet dreams of one day meeting this king that has me so intrigued
Speechless as he sings invisible melodies that make me trip clumsily over my insecurities and long to fall into his arms
Wishing I could run my hands over his bald head or maybe even his bare chest
But at best I'm left stroking these keys as 600 miles separates us from really experiencing what this could be
So I'm reduced to sporadic texts and late-night phone calls in place of face-to-face conversations and intimacy
Yearning for ways to subtract the miles away til there's nothing between us but small pockets of air and electricity
And to finally kiss those lips...
It'd be like a full moon followed by a lunar eclipse
Followed by darkness because I'm scared of what comes after this
I open up to him and share my heart's contents
But I dread maybe one day having regrets
Because maybe he thinks I'm kinda cool
But there's nothing more that he wants from me
Just to watch me smile
So I shy away and hide my tears due to pride
Before he ever really displays any real emotion
And spend an eternity pondering what if
Because I couldn't just be in the moment and live.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Pretend Friends with Benefits

Difficult man complicates our relatively simplistic relationship

Making old wounds bleed over his insecurities

Strumming my strings with his fingers

As he plays Geppeto and casts me into the role of Pinocchio

But I love myself too much to play his puppet

Toying with my emotions as he quickly comes in and out of me and my life

How could the best 30 and worst 30 minutes of my life overlap in perfect harmony?

Trapped in a bittersweet symphony of my desires and the battered reality of my truth

He calls me only when it’s convenient

As my calls mysteriously drop from his phone

And he mysteriously drops me from his day

Knowing that I’m not even a priority, but still I stay

Lost in lust

I trust that he would never do the one thing that matters most…

Hurt me

And no matter how hard I tried

I still found his heart tangled up in mine

And damn if we aren’t both lost in a complicated web of lies

His scent causes my heart to skip a beat

I swear when he touches me I die

And those sexy lips and soft kisses gives me life

But only for one or two nights

You see

Because as certain as I’m sure I’m a nice piece of ass

She’s probably the one he’s making his wife

So even though he just maybe kinda likes me

I think I love him

And if I loved myself I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this

Recounting one of my most memorable trysts

Wanting to believe I’m so much more

But secretly knowing im just a pretend friend with benefits

Tired of being stringed along at the bottom of his list

And getting my gift snatched out from my arms and thrown away

Like newborn babies who wanted nothing more than a chance at life

So I keep my distance

And now I blow sour kisses from across cold, green, distant plains

Because I just can’t stand to be near him

I can no longer stomach my lust and distrust

To see his face next to her memory

And nothing next to mine but a memory of us

Drowning in a sea of emptiness

Looking for someone to throw me a lifeline

And rescue me from myself and the life of mine

And maybe just maybe

Teach me how to be loved and how to love again

But I’m over married men and guys with girlfriends

Who insist on cheating and lying their way into my precious underpants

Tickling my sweet spot

With the tips of their tongues

As if we don’t speak the same fuckin language

And I don’t already understand exactly what this is

And to think…if I were the sensitive type I’d probably cry

Tears of disappointment and pain

So that just in case you didn’t hear me

You could see how bad it hurts

Knowing you’ll say and do anything to fuck me…over.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Perfect Dream

Here's a piece I wrote off the top of my head in 2008! It's about love that's in a different time zone and how it feels longing for it! Enjoy!!!!

Like a baby fox I stay on nocturnal watch
Pissed at an east coast time clock
And wishing with you all time would just stop
I'm this bushy tailed fox
Trying to count rocks and sleep my way into a perfect dream
Not sleeping awake at night
Needing to know what the f*ck does it mean
So I keep retracing my steps trying to figure out where did I go wrong
But we still end up in this tangled dance and song
And I can't help but feel like I was tricked and wronged
Cuz like a newborn with fragile wings I still can't fly
But conversations with you gives new life to living things
And falling out of the nest isn't as bad as it seems
Now, whereas before I was alone
I have you to pick me up and strengthen my wings.