Monday, July 20, 2009

Metaphorically Speaking I Died...


I try to go about my day and memories
Flash like lights
On runways
And I run too far away
When this day comes from distant plains
And the way we were
I wish I could steer away from the pain and hurt
But I wasn't ready to let go
And you got snatched away
Like band-aides on wounds and children from homes with futures doomed
And I...still remember the day our minds met
Like rhymes riddled with mazes I found myself in a daze
Wondering was this the truth
Or just another seemingly unimportant phase
Connecting across an imaginary distance
Visible to everyone but us
Like a fairytale I became engulfed
Covered in imaginary strings and your imaginary mystical dust
I gave myself to you openheartedly
I allowed you to take me there
Stimulating more than my mind and needing more than your words to speak
Calling my body and soul every name that made me continuously melt til I fell weak
And together we made sparks fly
So intense it burned
Shaping this interesting transition of love and irony
And his story became mine
Metaphorically speaking I died
More than one time
And his every word breathed life back into my limp unimaginative mind
So now...I write alone
Contemplating where did it all go wrong
Trying to figure out how I became the stranger lurking in his home
Betrayed like I was nothing more than an uninvited guess
Things went from cloud 9 to a rather large mess and
I gathered my belongs
Nothing more than me writing at my best
And did the only thing I could...
I left
Stumbling upon artifacts from those crazy days
I digress to that girl I used to be
Embracing my lazy ways and lackadaisical phase
Wanting nothing more than for him to acknowledge me
The way it used to be back when I hated amnesia and loved my memories
And then it hits me
I'm a queen and a prize and its him that doesn't get me


So this is actually a piece that started by the guy and then I changed and added to it. We initially agreed to collaborate on our poetry so I saved a lot of our online convos and mini poems that we shared. Hope you enjoy it. Comments...follows...let me know something. I love feedback.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Hey You Dumb Bitch...Fall The Fuck Back...

Precisely why I don't fuck with that many bitches. LOL Don't get mad at me because youz a weak bitch and I'm about my grown woman bidness. This is a conversation that she initiated mind you because I guess she was bored and wanted to text me. Then she got all in her feelings. I don't take shit from no man. She's been fuckin the same guy raw for years while crying to her friends about how she KNOW he cheating and this, that, and the third. Recently she found out he got another girl pregnant and she was mad at him because she had been fuckin him raw even though she already knew that nigga was steppin out. But you trying to play me cuz this other nigga talked slick to me once and I got rid of his ass. GTFOHB!!! I'm in a good place. She prolly stayed with that diseased ridden baby daddy of hers just so she could get dicked down on the regular. Congrats. You got community dick. Bitch you ain't no better than those other hoes that he's fuckin. Kick rocks!!! Please and thank you.


Her: Im shockd u aint gave him da draws again
Me: No offense but I'm not you. Lol a nigga gets one time to disrespect me then I'm done
Her: What nigga? No offense. So why u keep talkn 2 him then
Me: We don't really talk. He texts. I text back. We don't hang out. We don't fuck and we don't kick it
And I let him wash my car a few weeks ago. Compared to us texting all day and hangin out
Her: Whateva since u aint me then u wldnt text back PERIOD. But im just sayin.
Lol
Me: Not really. I think somebody saying what up b?! And me saying not shit is enough..hardly talkin.
Her: Okkk jessica convince urself. Thats cool. So hows skool?
Me: Convince myself what. We kicked it every day all day. Texted every day all day. And now we don't do shit. And bc I chose not to ignore him. We went from 1000 texts a month to 5. And I don't hang out with him. U do the math girl. And that was my own advice to myself
Her: Did u get offended jessica cuz it seems that way? U musta had a HELLA crush on dat nigga. Hm missing him? Mayb. U still allowin the 5 txts
Miss thang. Quit gettin mad dang i was just sayin the obvious. So change of subject
How is skool?
Me: Not really. And miss what?! If I missed him I'd text him. He texts me. Aside from that. I got my freak that eats and I'm dating someone that's good to me. And short of gettin my # changed I can't control who texts me. NOT MAD I SWEAR...school is same as always. Just ready to be done
Her:U miss him!
Me: No not really. Lol if I missed him I'd bring him up. But I don't. U do. Oh well...like I said...moved on. I don't stand for stupid shit from niggas. NEVER DO!!! BWAHHAHA!!
Her: Lol. U crazy girl. Well thats gud

Now this is when that hoe really starts to get mad. Notice she keep putting LOL whenever she say some slick shit. So I starts to do it too like damn short I wanna play. :)

Her:Wow if u say so cuz that nigga was gettin ova on u 4 a min. And u rite i do bring him up is that a problem
Her: I just dnt like 2 c him out there was concerned. This aint no arguement is it? Lol
Me: Not for me. And he wasn't gettin over on me bc it was shit that I did. It's not like he was shooting it to me and then stopped talking to me. I did shit bc I had it and he didn't. U do that for friends. It's like when I loaned your drunk ass money bc you didn't have any at the club. No argument. Cuz there is nothing to argue over
Her: Why didnt yall eva b together? Why was it so complicated?
Me: It wasn't complicated. He popped off at the mouth and I decided no man is worth the bullshit. See some ppl wouldve just stayed. Cuz of course he apologized. He still does. It don't change shit. I'm good. I don't need a man.

This is when it hits her that I'm coming at her on the sly tip because she trying to come slick at me but I'm not fucked up. Me and bitches like this could compared shit all day. And all she can say is she weigh less than me. I got that hoe in every other catergory. LOL She gettin tight now...

Her:U got some fuckin nerve girl. Ima let that slide. I had it trust just cldnt find it.
Me: Did I not loan you money?! Lol Why u gettin mad?! I thought this wasn't an argument?! Lol
Her: Nigga whateva. A vibrator SHOULD NOT b a girls best friend
Her: M.f. U the one shootn off
Me: And neither should a sorry ass nigga. We all pick the lessor of two evils. For mine..I'd rather baste off while I wait for a good man than kick it with someone I feel don't respect me.

She just keep allowing me to gas her silly ass. LOL This is why we wasn't friends in high school. BWAHHAAHHA!!!

Her: U the 1 gettin mad ova (insert guy's name here),who u gave the pussy to. Not me.
Her: Fuck that. A vibrator aint shit. U need 2 learn how 2 wrk ur options
Me: Who's mad?! I have a boo. I'm not lonely. I don't miss (insert guy's name here). I like the new guy and I like the person I contracted to eat me out when I want. Who's mad??? Cuz it's not me. Lol
Her: If u say so chica lol
Her:Ok thats fine.
Her: Ima b the grown up and end the convo

She lucky my shorty called because I was about to really make her has hate me. Don't come at me wit no stupid shit people. I am not the one to fuck with.

Can I Touch It???

Every day I count my blessings that I was born into a sexually liberated generation. One that makes it okay for me to pack a mini arsenal of toys armed to pleasure anyone lucky enough to get a hold of them. I sit back and watch people mistakenly lay down with strangers to satisfy insatiable urges. I too have urges, but as an independent woman in a time riddled with STDs and this young birth epidemic, I've decided not to become a statistic.

Women get lured into bed with complete strangers just to find out how quickly 60 minutes of euphoria can turn into a lifetime of forced interactions with someone who maybe you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. I can assure you...it rarely works out like that. Instead of putting myself at risk I open myself up to pulsing sensations and a vivid imagination that transforms my pleasure chest into the man of my dreams and pulls me into euphoria.

An alternate reality that allows me to be as naughty as they come all from the privacy of my bedroom. A plush pillow top fit for a queen an occasionally opened up to spectators see. So sexually expressive that like art work, I open myself up for the world. Moans and screams are insignificant compared to the pleasure I give MYSELF. Can't say I need a man to get me off. I'd to have one, but until he comes my right hand man will do just find. If they persist in wanting to know my past time, I'm a MASTER deBATOR and if you don't know exactly what that means...I can show you better than I can tell you.

To contact me click here.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I Began To Speak His Truth

I sit pensive in a dark, cold and bitter room
Arms frantically flailing as I desperately try to grasp reality’s doom
Reflecting over days passed as I stumble onto new frontiers
I embrace my fears
My mind opens up like beautiful green pastures
Wondering why I always end up here?
Contemplating his fictitious alibis
I see baby tears form
And start to fall from these sad girl eyes
You see...I found something amazing
And lost it shortly after
Tainted… by his petty lies
Wondering how he got my double enforced walls down
And how he got big girl tears to stream
Like kids have dreams
Reaching for the stars I saw endless possibilities
And how we met on a week day, but on a weak day his sorry a$$ said goodbye
Talkin’ bout how I was his goal
On a quest to make me whole
And now…he trying to take credit for my life
My heart beats rapidly as I feel pain and sorrow
Like the melodious rhythms ringing out from the drum line
Tryin’ to figure out how he fucked up my today
And erased himself from my tomorrow
But I’m not even mad
Experienced a plethora of emotions from angry to sad
Before I realized he couldn’t control me or how I felt
Thought about the many conversations we shared
As I tried to talk myself out of feeling regret
Found myself being omitted all over again
I ended up with another enemy
I thought he was a friend
Now I’m stuck playing a game that it seems destiny is not willing to let me win
Or am I already a victor who is just too blind to open my artificial blues
And allow my pain to fall as my tears do
As blue moons turn into bright bursting suns
And becomes nothing more than a distant memory
And impediment so to speak that reached into my soul
And stroked my best part
He warmed this purple and blue bruised and broken heart
And thru heartache convinced me to act
Reunited me with an old friend
Performing came back
Gracing the stage full of anger and rage and using it to create a masterpiece
I open up to you…see me…center stage
I try to forget but the truth is I can’t
Because I see his words in every script I read
And every move I dance
And although I know my drum will always cancel his out
I still hear the music our souls made
As his pen began to scribble my thoughts
And I began to speak his truth
I embarked on a journey to revive something that was missing in my life
A journey that inevitably led me here tonight to you…
My audience


Jersey

The Realization of Dreams...

I think Drake said it best on Closer where he talks about what its like to be closer to your dreams. I find myself nearing my college graduation. An obstacle that for so many people represents an easy 4 year ride to their dream jobs and careers.

For me college presented itself as a different set of challenges. I was forced to leave the only place I ever called home back in 2002. I was unemployed at the time and working part time while holding down a 3.8 GPA roughly. My only crime is that I was never going to be daddy's little girl. I accepted that. I just wanted to finish college and move to NYC. A dream that has taken almost a decade to finally feel tangible.

This coming December, I graduate college...FINALLY...with Bachelors degrees in International Business and Spanish. I'm not the emotional type but I imagine proud tears streaming from my cheeks on that cold winter day when I get those two degrees. I feel as if I am able to truly appreciate my accomplishment. It was a combination of blood, sweat, tears and love that got me through those hard times. It's the struggle behind our accomplishments that help us realize how blessed we really are.

I've made so many mistakes along the way and only hope that other people can learn from my story and avoid going through many of the things that I have endured. For now, I am an open book writing to announce to the world that I'm here to stay. Kool-aid smile on 1000 and ready to take on the world. Please and thank you!



Jersey

When The Truth Hurts...


Today Nia Long became a hot button topic for simply speaking the truth. We have reached a plateau in today's society where things are no longer judged by their content but rather their ability to generate revenue. That's bullshit. Take 50 cent for instance. You can give that nigga a self help show, but that doesn't make him Martha Stewart.


Anyone able to have an intelligent conversation would understand that what Nia Long said in the most simplest of words is that if you don't bother to take the time necessary to learn the craft, you should sit the fuck down. There is no disputing that Beyonce has been offered and starred in more than one movie during her lifetime. That doesn't make her an Academy Award winning actress. It simply means she dominated the music industry so she's getting movie roles because she has an established fan base. Having an established fan base as a SINGER does NOT make you a good ACTRESS. And if someone told that bitch that, she was lying.


Don't attack Nia Long for saying what everyone else was thinking. It was an honest observation. Every industry has the same frustrations. Niggas goin in on cartoon rappers because their music is a joke or when underground niggas go commercial. It happens when actors try to sing or rap. When dancers want to sing or act...and the list goes on.


The message behind this is if you decide to cross over into other industries, please study up and don't give the fans shit because we deserve better. We deserve to see actors that can act and not just famous people that are popular. For those of you that have made it, I feel like you have a social responsibility to those of us who haven't to put quality work out there and not just go for the easy buck. Not all money is good money. Please and thank you!!!



Jersey