This is a follow up piece to Pondering What If.His lips whispered
Of what felt like a kiss
To my heart
And with different sparks
Made me fall in love.
Head first I fell thru a ring of lust
Longin for the simple things in life
Like a true crush or even a gentle touch
As his love made love to my soul.
Felt no longer broken
I was whole
And this was even before I allowed him to come into me
But like a fool
I gave my heart to a man
Who wants nothing more than to screw me.
To tango and dance with anyone and anything anatomically identical to this
Leaving nothing to chance
Going for what he wants and
Sadly that isn't me.
Had me pondering what if til I finally did
Wishing I never had because he tells me that he loves me
But only with his words
He doesn't understand me when I tell him all the other stuff gets drowned out by the magnitude of his actions
Resonating louder than words
Cutting permanent scars into the possibility that could've been us.
Lost in lust
I thought I was in love
And even more foolishly that he loved me back
But I'm no longer dumb to the fact
As blind eyes now clearly see
That this was never more than a fuckin game.
So I prepare myself to walk away as I urge him to do the same
Cuz if love hurts this much I'd rather just settle for pain
No more fake smiles during storms of rain
Settling for fake exchanges made in vain
Rather you just ask to hit the pussy instead of dropping my heart down the drain
Pretending this was ever about anything more than sex.
I respect that you stayed, but not the many games you played while my love got tangled up in yours
And now baby I'm lost in myself.
Addicted to your love but knowing withdrawal is the only way I'll ever truly be happy again and the only way I can actually live.
So I implore you to give
The only shot I'll ever get
At finding true happiness.