Pondering What If

It's funny how much he makes me smile and I've never even seen his face
He strokes my ego in ways that no man ever has
Causing my bad days to instantly turn good with the most simplistic of phrases
Like hello, I like you & sweet dreams
So I dream sweet dreams of one day meeting this king that has me so intrigued
Speechless as he sings invisible melodies that make me trip clumsily over my insecurities and long to fall into his arms
Wishing I could run my hands over his bald head or maybe even his bare chest
But at best I'm left stroking these keys as 600 miles separates us from really experiencing what this could be
So I'm reduced to sporadic texts and late-night phone calls in place of face-to-face conversations and intimacy
Yearning for ways to subtract the miles away til there's nothing between us but small pockets of air and electricity
And to finally kiss those lips...
It'd be like a full moon followed by a lunar eclipse
Followed by darkness because I'm scared of what comes after this
I open up to him and share my heart's contents
But I dread maybe one day having regrets
Because maybe he thinks I'm kinda cool
But there's nothing more that he wants from me
Just to watch me smile
So I shy away and hide my tears due to pride
Retreating
Before he ever really displays any real emotion
And spend an eternity pondering what if
Because I couldn't just be in the moment and live.